Memory Lane

Taking a walk down Memory Lane can elicit happy or sad thoughts. This walk can have a lot of sentimental meaning and can bring to surface feelings of nostalgia, as we can sometimes yearn for what used to be. Taking this walk can also cause negative feelings. When our steps down this dusty path remind us of our mistakes, things we did to hurt other people or our past hurts, it only takes seconds for that deep ache in our guts to stir.

Looking back is important. We have to remember lessons we’ve learned from our past mistakes. We are better people because of those lessons learned. What we can’t do is re-live those mistakes by playing them over and over. This is a fast and sure way to fall into a pit of despair. “I shouldn’t have done that, or I should have done that, or if I had only made that decision, I wouldn’t be where I am now.” It’s too easy to look back and see all of our regrets. We all made mistakes, and we still do.

I’ve come to realize over my almost half century of life that looking back is important so that I don’t keep making the same mistakes. However, looking back and dwelling on past hurts and wrong doing will only bring us shame, more pain, self-doubt, and a longing to go back and change things (which we can’t do). God tells us that he separates our sins from us as far as the East is from the West. Psalm 103:12 says “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” The East and West are separated infinitely. God forgives our sins from the past like that and removes them from us when we ask Him for forgiveness.  

If you’re like me, you have many regrets, but I know that because I’ve asked God for forgiveness, He has forgiven me. Guess what else? He has forgotten those sins/mistakes. I used to keep bringing them up by going back to them. I don’t believe God wants us to do that. He wants us to learn from our mistakes, make changes, move forward in confidence, and have joy. John 15:11 says, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”

So friends, let the baggage be what it is: a lesson to us; but then let’s ask for forgiveness, drop the baggage at the feet of Jesus, and move forward toward the joyful life God wants for us.

Relationship

The other night, my eight-year-old daughter and I were watching an episode of the cartoon, Sponge Bob Square Pants. In this episode, the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom had issued a holiday called “No Sponge Bob Day.” Sponge Bob wasn’t aware of the holiday, and he woke up as usual, turned off his alarm, and went to work at The Krusty Krab. Along the way to work, he saw no one. When he arrived at work, no one was there. He searched for his friends at their homes, but Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward were no where to be found. After searching all over Bikini Bottom, he finally gave up and became discouraged. He couldn’t even find his pet snail, Gary. He was lonely. He tried to become friends with a boat, but the boat was unable to return his friendship, as it was an inanimate object.

Watching this episode actually gave me an uncomfortable feeling. I imagined what life would be like without other people, without relationships, without love. It made me realize two things. First, I wonder if God was lonely before He created us. Since I can’t fully understand God’s nature, I can only make assumptions. However, God did create us to love us and for His glory. Jeremiah 31:3b says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” Romans 9:23a says, “What if He did this to make the riches of His glory known to the objects of His mercy, whom He prepared in advance for glory.”

The second thing I realized is that God meant for us to have relationship with Him and each other. Just thinking about it on a basic level, I know that when I was single for many years living alone in Idaho, I used to grow weary of coming home after work to my empty house. I’d have to turn on a movie for background noise. I’d vocally talk to God a lot. I’d find myself reaching out by phone to my mom, dad, and siblings, because I was lonely. I had a few good friends that I made sure to spend time with. I made time in my schedule to visit friends in other parts of the country. These relationships were important to me. In fact, they partially helped me define who I was.  I was a daughter, a sister, and a friend, in addition to having my doctor and single person status. Having those relationships gave me people to turn to when I was lonely or discouraged and when I had some exciting news to share. Much of what I felt or did mattered more in my ability to share it with someone. It felt good to belong to something bigger than just me. Although I lived alone, I belonged to a family and to a community of friends. The relationships made a difference.

At the end of the Sponge Bob Square Pants episode, Sponge Bob is desperate for interaction with someone. He has become depressed, discouraged, and he is agonizing over his loneliness. Just when he thinks he can’t handle the situation anymore, a bus pulls up and all of the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom step off the bus. They tell him that they were gone for the day on this holiday. They are happy to see him and Sponge Bob is relieved and happy again. His friends have returned. He is no longer alone.

I didn’t particularly like this episode, but it was a good reminder of why God created us for relationship. I’m so thankful He gave us family, friends, and community. It’s hard enough to live in this world having to face it alone. I’m glad we have loving people in our lives to help us through tough times. God knows what we need, and He wants a relationship with us. He wants you.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” II Corinthians 1:3-4.

Battle

I don’t know about you, but anxiety is something that creeps up on me almost daily. When I was single over ten years ago, I felt like I had more control over some things in my life. I didn’t worry about kids and a husband going to and from school or work. I didn’t have to prepare meals for anyone but me. When I left the house clean in the mornings, I would come home to the same clean house. My finances were less stressful because the only person I provided for was me. Going to church on Sunday mornings was a peaceful, quiet event. There was no one to whine or complain about the dress I picked out for her. I wasn’t late for church or in a hurry.

When Mark and I married almost ten years ago, I gained a nine-year old stepdaughter who came to live with us full-time at the age of ten. She recently moved out to go to college. In the second year of our marriage, Mark and I adopted our daughter, who is now eight. Two years ago, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and she came to live with us. She has an apartment in our basement. My nephew, who is now almost seventeen, came to live with us two years ago. We have a dog, Zoey, who was added to the family four years ago. Did I mention that I also work full-time and homeschool my eight-year old?

I am currently reading a devotional about anxiety detox called the “7 Day Anxiety Detox” by Brittney Moses (http://brittneyamoses.com). She says, “Just because the thought exists doesn’t make it true.” I have pondered this statement many times since I read it.  It seems simple and makes sense, yet I find myself believing negative, untrue thoughts and reacting to negative feelings. Last night, after I slaved over dinner (at least I felt like I did), I cleaned up the dishes and left the kitchen clean the way I like it. A few hours later, I entered the kitchen only to find dishes piled in the sink (although the dishwasher was empty), some substance spilled on the counter, and the empty milk carton left out on the counter waiting for someone to put it in the recycling bin. I honestly felt frustrated and angry over this. I could feel my anxiety building as the thoughts circulated in my head. “Why does everyone leave their dirty dishes for me? Can’t they see they spilled something on the counter? Does the empty milk carton have my name on it? Am I the soul recycling person in the house? Why does everyone dump on me? I work hard, and I’m tired. I feel so disrespected.”

I had to catch myself as my thoughts started to go on a rampage. Usually these thoughts end in anger, a few choice words to my husband and kids about their inability to clean up after themselves, and I feel worn down from the disrespect. My thoughts were negative and the emotions that followed were draining. Then I realized that this is one of the exact ways that satan attacks us. He finds our triggers, the very ones that he knows will start this cascade of negativity. Suddenly, what started out as a mole hill becomes a mountain as we allow our thoughts to overwhelm us.

I took a deep breath. I uttered a small prayer for help. Then I worked hard to intellectually and forcefully remove the negative feelings behind the thoughts. I had to try to replace them with something more positive, and I actually walked away from the kitchen without cleaning any of it or reacting negatively toward my family. I told myself that I am not responsible for everyone’s messes, and that, in time, these messes would be cleaned up by someone other than me. I popped a bowl of popcorn, and I went back to the movie I had been watching before I entered the now-soiled kitchen.

In Brittney Moses’ devotional, she says “You can pause, momentarily separate yourself from your thoughts and begin to discern what’s healthy and what is not; and discard the following.” She gives four steps to work through anxiety: identify the trigger, write down the thoughts that follow (or think about them), note your reaction to those thoughts, and then bring yourself around to reality. We can’t let our negative thoughts dictate our feelings and reactions. I find that this is a hard lesson and one I have to be conscious of on a daily basis. There are many battles that occur in a day, and satan tries to attack us especially when we are weary and overwhelmed. It truly is a spiritual battle, and half of the battle is just knowing when you’ve entered the battle. “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have the divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  II Corinthians 10:4-5

What are your battles? Do you recognize them? Do you worry about the safety of your kids, finances, work, health, home maintenance, keeping up with everything? Remember that you can demolish these thoughts that cause anxiety by asking God for help. The feelings may still linger, but don’t allow the negative thoughts to overwhelm you. Believe in God’s sovereignty and His ability to rescue you. “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7

More than a carpenter

I recently joined an online community called The Campfire through www.thecouragecourses.com. The community was launched by Kirk Cameron, the actor known for his role in Growing Pains and other movies, including one of my favorites, Fireproof.  Kirk shares five of the most influential books in his life. One of them is “More Than a Carpenter,” by Josh McDowell. Kirk shares that he read this book when he first became a believer. He says he had to overcome many intellectual hurdles. As a youth, he had been taught not to believe, so he had to overcome the doubts he had on an intellectual level.

I can appreciate his honesty about his initial doubts, since I have had some of the same doubts. I think many of us can easily see the tangible things in this world, and because we can see them, we know they are real and believable. The intangible, untouchable things in this world are harder to believe.

This week, I sat down and read the new edition of “More Than a Carpenter,” by both Josh McDowell and his son, Sean McDowell. This book brings Jesus alive and makes him tangible. He isn’t just part of a story that happened long ago. In fact, he is a real person, who lived on this very earth, and who was submitted to all of the good and bad elements of living here. He came here, by choice, to be an example to us of who God is. He conveyed God’s character to us by showing His great love, forgiveness, and healing. He showed mercy to and accepted people who we might judge as even the most filthy of the human race.

There are some questions addressed in this book that I often hear. I’ve even wondered about them myself in the past.  If God is such a loving God, why won’t He just accept people for who they are? Why would a loving God send people to hell? Why is Jesus the only way to a relationship with God?

This book answers these questions by first saying that people seem offended by the exclusivity of the claim that Jesus is the only way to God. Then it adds that the deeper issue is that most people really just don’t understand the nature of God. The writers go on to say that most people understand that God is loving, but that’s where they stop. God is not just a God of love. He is also righteous, holy, and just. By His character, He cannot coexist with sin. The writers explain this further by saying, “He cannot tolerate sin in His heaven any more than you can tolerate a filthy, foul-smelling, diseased dog to live in your home (p. 152).”

The writers say that we know God through His attributes. However, we need to understand that His attributes can not be compared to attributes we have. We may possess attributes of kindness and courteousness because those are good attributes to adopt. God’s attributes are who He is. He didn’t adopt these attributes, they are part of His being and flow from His nature. “When God loves, He is not making a decision, He is simply being Himself (p. 152).”

The Bible tells us that when God created us, He did so out of love. When sin entered the world, though, Adam and Eve left God’s love and protection because of their choice to sin. God then faced a dilemma. He loved us so much, but He could no longer be with us because of sin.  We would not be able to survive in His holy presence.  The answer was for Jesus, God the Son, to become human, live a sinless life, and become a sacrifice for us. When he died for us, He took our sin and defeated death. Justice was done. A penalty was paid on our behalf.

When someone hurts you, and you make the choice to forgive them, is there a penalty to be paid? Yes, although you forgave that person, there is still the residual hurt from the insult. You pay the price by experiencing pain, but you still choose to forgive and move past the insult. In the same way, a penalty had to be paid for our sin.

So God doesn’t love anyone less. He doesn’t send people to hell. In fact, He has provided a way for us to escape hell and be with Him. We make that choice.  We make the choice for hell or we make the choice to accept God’s gift through Jesus and then have the promise of an eternal life with Him.

If you get a chance, pick up a copy of “More Than a Carpenter,” by Josh McDowell and Sean McDowell. I bought my copy on amazon.com. It’s a great read that answered many of my intellectual questions about the world, sin, God’s love, and many why questions. Thanks for the recommendation, Kirk Cameron!

His everything

There are many stories in the Bible where people underwent times of great trial, and God intervened for them. In some of those stories, the people gave names to God that reflected his goodness, grace, and mercy. In one particular story, Hagar was forced into the desert with her son, Ishmael. She and her son were basically left to die if they couldn’t survive on their own. Hagar felt hurt, alone, and hopeless. God was with her, though, and He cared for her and Ishmael. He provided food and water for them, and he helped them.

Hagar gave God the name El Roi, which means “the God Who Sees.” Genesis 16:13 says, “She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me’.”

When you are feeling alone, helpless, or hopeless, remember that God sees you. Remember that he sent Jesus for you. Your prayer is conversation with Him. He’s listening, and He knows you by name. Isaiah 49:16 says, “See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands.”

You mean everything to Him.

God’s children

This morning, one of my best friends, Jen, sent me a picture of her two children decked out for their first day of the new school year. Along with it, she sent an excited message, but she also shared that she was struggling to hold back tears as she realized they are growing up so fast. She apologized for the sadness and “sappiness” of her message, but she needed to share her emotions with someone. She felt overwhelmed.

I’m certain that many of you can relate to these emotions. It’s hard to see our babies growing up. My daughter is eight now, but every time I look at her, I still see her as three years old wearing pull-ups and calling me “Mommy.” She will still hold my hand when we are crossing the street or walking through a high congestion area, but that’s it. When she was younger, she used to reach for my hand all the time. She wanted to be near me and to know I was close by.

When I was thinking about our kids this morning, I realized that God actually calls all of us His children. He loves us like a Father loves his child. He loves you as His son or daughter. One of God’s names is “Abba,” meaning “Father.” He is our Father, and more amazing, He wants you and me to know that He loves us the same way we love our children. I really had to stop and think about that this morning. You and I love our kids so much that we’d give our lives to spare them. We’d take an injury or an illness to spare them. We’d do anything to protect our children. God loves us like that, AND to a degree we can’t comprehend. We aren’t capable of loving the way He does, but He loves us anyway. That’s how much He loves you and me.

I thank God for families, for loving relationships, for children, for tight friendships….for these covenants of love are just a minor example of the way He shows His love for us. “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” — I John 3:1a

Have an awesome, blessed day!

Constant presence

Today, I’m postoperative day number nine after having another reconstruction surgery. As a follow up to my breast cancer diagnosis and surgery over fifteen years ago, it was time for another procedure. As much as I dreaded it, I’m now thankful to have it behind me. Kudos to my impressive plastic surgeon, Dr. Alexander Digenis. I’m not sure what I’d do without his incredible artistic ability and compassionate care.

Although I dreaded having to undergo this procedure, I’m so grateful for my life.  At the age of thirty, a cancer diagnosis was intimidating and scary. God was good to me, though, and he steered the right people into my path. He never once left me then, and I know He will never leave me or forsake me. He promises that to all of us.

We all go through scary times in this life. There are no guarantees that everything will be good all the time. Job 5:7 says, “Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward.” But we can take heart. Psalm 9:9 says “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” Psalm 34:17 says, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.”

The photos above are of the Aegean Sea (courtesy of Dr. Digenis). I can almost hear the waves gently rushing to shore. The crystal clear water with its perfect blue hue are beautiful. To me, this scene is a reminder that God gently and persistently shows us that He is with us. He is never failing in times of trouble. He gently nudges us from time to time like the water flowing onto the beach to tell us that He is here and He will continue to be here day in and day out no matter what we face. 

Whatever you’re facing today, remember that God loves you and is your help.

P.S. Dr. Alexander Digenis can be reached at the Digenis Plastic Surgery Institute, 502-589-5544. His website is www.digenis.com.